The Feast Fiasco
by Miracle of Miracles
Summary: It's Thanksgiving in Jump City, but because of all of the criminal activity in the town the team has forgotten to get a turkey. They aren't the best chefs, either...[oneshot]


_People were screaming. The crowd around the new electronics store was dispersing rapidly as a hulking, static-composed figure emerged, followed closely by a boy in his late teens who was distinguishable by his pointed white hair and electric guitar. Who would have known that Overload and Punk Rocket would form an alliance?_

"_Wonderful day for shopping, eh there, Overload?" Rocket asked his accomplice with sinister cheeriness. "Those new amps we got there will come mighty handy once I've got my guitar hooked up to—"_

_He was cut off by something whizzing hazardously close to his ear. "Ruddy--!" Rocket ducked, and looked up to meet the masked eyes of a super hero that he knew all too well…_

"_Show's over, Punk Rocket," Robin said fiercely. Behind him stood his teammates at the ready. "Titans, GO!"_

_No sooner had the familiar battle cry been uttered when the team sprang into action. Overload was quickly taken care of by several douses from a few uprooted fire hydrants, but Punk Rocket evaded most of the attacks with the aid of the powerful sound waves produced by each strum of his guitar. "You've gotta try harder than that!" he jeered, as he cast both Raven and Cyborg halfway down the street with a particularly high note._

_Robin withdrew two Birdarangs from his belt and charged at the culprit, throwing his weapons with all his might. They were unfortunately dodged and Rocket made his escape into the electronics store. Robin followed…and the settings suddenly changed._

_The Boy Wonder was forced to skid to a stop, for he suddenly found himself on the edge of a big house stage. Before him was a packed audience, and above was a spotlight aimed directly over his head. He looked down into the orchestra pit; there stood Punk Rocket, his guitar hooked up and in hand. Robin was about to make his next move when the thief suddenly launched into a song, sounding familiarly like the overture from Jesus Christ Superstar. He arched an eyebrow in disbelief. A girl with flaming red hair sitting in the front row screamed in terror and ran like hell out of the theatre, most likely to run home and stuff cotton balls in her ears._

"_You're ruining the proportion!" Andrew Lloyd Webber screamed angrily at Punk Rocket, gesturing at the orchestra that had suddenly appeared in the pit. Several pairs of hands grabbed Robin from behind and lifted him into the air. Below him was an open trapdoor, and he was dropped, falling, falling..._

There was a loud ringing sound. Robin felt that horrible sensation of falling in your sleep as he woke up suddenly and fell back into his mattress. Groaning, he turned over and slapped the 'sleep' button on his alarm clock, and the incessant ringing noises ceased instantly. It was about eight in the morning. Only hours earlier, he and his team had to conquer the same events that he had relived in his dream…except the part about the theatre, of course. He had no idea where that came from.

Robin groggily slipped out of bed and trudged to down the hall to the elevator. A few seconds later the elevator doors reopened and he entered the lobby. Predictably, his friends were already there. Raven and Starfire sat slumped tiredly over the table as they witnessed yet another Meat Versus Tofu argument among Cyborg and Beast Boy.

"Can't you just eat tofu for _once_?" Beast Boy hollered, slapping down a white cube on the table. "It wouldn't hurt!"

"You think it doesn't hurt to be forced to eat something that makes me sick to my stomach?" Cyborg roared, carelessly dropping a carton of eggs and slab of bacon next to the tofu. "Man, if you absolutely _have _to be vegetarian, why not at least eat something that tastes good? Besides, if you even _tried _the kind of breakfast I make, even YOU would admit that I reign supreme as the Tower's cook!"

"Yeah, I can TOTALLY see how well you handle your food by THAT prime example," Beast Boy drawled sarcastically, pointing at the egg yolks that were dripping onto the floor thanks to the impact the eggs had made on the table from the fall.

"What…? Oh MAN! I just bought those eggs!"

"Both of you shut up." Robin's voice brought everyone's attention to himself. "Just clean up the eggs and come up with a compromise already. I feel like I'm babysitting here." He slipped into the living room part of the lobby and switched on the television to catch up with the news.

"Not at all too far from the truth," Raven droned, unrolling the morning paper. Beast Boy and Cyborg gave her death glares.

"I'm sure that there is something that we can all agree upon for the break of fast! Perhaps I shall retrieve a recipe of one of the many Tameranian delicacies that I have to share with you all?" Starfire volunteered.

"No!" came the boy's swift reply.

Meanwhile, the news was covering last night's mayhem. "…Thankfully, the Teen Titans were able to put a stop to it and both villains, Overload and Punk Rocket, have been taken into custody."

Robin smiled contentedly. He always enjoyed hearing about the kind of good that the team's successes brought for Jump City.

"Well, that's all for the six o'clock news on channel 2. Next…the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!"

Robin's eyes widened in shock. As the picture switched to the screaming crowd on Broadway Street, he bolted off the couch and ran to the calendar on the wall. _There must be some sort of mistake, _he decided. _We couldn't possibly have forgotten…_No, today was actually Thanksgiving, the last Thursday of November.

"How is that possible?" he murmured to himself. To tell the truth, none of the Titans had given Thanksgiving a single thought; the last few months had been overridden with criminals making first appearances, breaking out of jail and making comebacks. There simply wasn't any time for anything else.

Sighing, he pulled the calendar off the wall and walked back into the kitchen, where the quarrelling apparently hadn't taken a break since he'd left. "Everyone!" he barked. The kitchen suddenly quieted. "I kind of have some bad news."

"Another criminal, Robin?" Beast Boy asked. Raven reached up to her hood, ready to pull it up over her head if needed.

"No," Robin said quickly. "It's just…today's Thanksgiving."

There was a pause.

"No it isn't," said Beast Boy.

"Yes it is." Robin showed him the calendar.

"…Darn."

"This is a conspiracy!" Cyborg yelped, forgetting all about breakfast. "We don't even have a turkey! How could we forget?"

"Oh, I dunno…could it possibly have to do with the fact that we've had a different criminal to deal with for every day of the week as of late?" Raven rolled her eyes.

"No we haven't!" Cyborg protested.

"Really? Well, let's see…on Monday's we've got the HIVE, Tuesdays there's Warp, Wednesdays are Plasmus, Thursdays are Cinderblock, on Fridays we have The Brotherhood of Evil, and Slade and Control Freak alternate on Saturdays and Sundays."

"……..Wow, you're right."

Robin waved his arms to get the attention back to him. "It's probably not too late," he assured them. "Raven, would you mind taking Starfire to the grocery store to pick up a turkey, so the rest of us can make whatever we can out of the stuff here? It might not end up entirely conventional, but whatever we come up with should be fine."

"I most certainly would not mind, Friend Robin!" Starfire accepted cheerfully. "I know little of this 'Thanksgiving', and of course I would not mind a learning experience such as this! Come, Friend Raven!" she called to her female comrade. She swooped over and grabbed Raven's arm, pulling her into the elevator. Just before the doors slid closed Raven gave Robin one of her patented Death Glares.

The three boys looked at each other. "Well?" said Beast Boy, swinging open one of the pantry doors. "Let's see what we have here!"

**XXXXX**

Starfire strolled through the automatic doors of the grocery store, a stoic Raven following not too far behind. "Friend Raven, where might we find this domesticated bird carcass that our friends desire so much?"

"Most likely the poultry section," Raven answered. She observed their surroundings; she'd never been to that store before. The two were only there because it was the only one open on Thanksgiving Day. "Uhm, maybe it's that way…"

It took about twenty minutes before Raven and Starfire found what they were looking for. At the other end of the store stood a podium, with turkeys piled high on top. "There it is," Raven said with relief. "Now as soon as we get one we can be on our way…"

Just then a middle-aged woman pulled up a cart next to them. There was a baby seated in the front of the cart. Starfire smiled respectfully at the woman, who smiled back.

Suddenly there were noises of a loud scuffle. Starfire, Raven, the woman, and the baby looked towards the turkey podium to see a horde of last minute shoppers dog piling to get the best turkey before everyone else did. The four bystanders watched with wide eyes as people shouted curses and yelped in pain. After a while the mob dispersed, revealing the slightly bedraggled podium.

There was only one turkey left.

Starfire and Raven glared at the woman. The woman glared right back.

**XXXXX**

Robin, Beast Boy, and Cyborg were on the search for food.

"Lessee…we've got pickles, potato chips, currants, bread," Robin listed, looking through the bread box.

"…waffles, peppermint tea, vanilla extract, malted milk balls," Beast Boy added from the pantry.

"…Potatoes, tomatoes, celery, and a can of cranberry sauce," Cyborg ended from the refrigerator.

The three boys set their findings on the kitchen table.

"What the heck can we make out of this?" Cyborg asked exasperatedly.

"Let's just be artistic," said Robin.

"Dude, Van Gogh wouldn't have been artistic enough to make something out of this," Beast Boy scoffed.

"Well, we have potatoes and cranberry sauce. Let's start with that."

Cyborg and Beast Boy shrugged. The former picked up the potatoes and took them to the sink. "Okay…mashed potatoes, then. Do I need to wash these things?"

"Dude, we're going to eat them. _Yeah._"

Cyborg shrugged and turned on the faucet, dipping one of the potatoes under the stream of water. "I didn't know that we had cranberry sauce. Did either of you get it?"

"I didn't," Beast Boy answered.

"I think that we were going to use it last Thanksgiving," Robin replied, shrugging, "but I guess we didn't."

"That stuff's a year old?" Beast Boy yelped.

"Hey, cranberry sauce is cranberry sauce," Robin muttered. He took the can away from the green changeling, who was trying to find the expiration date. "It probably hasn't gone bad. Besides, it's too late to tell Starfire and Raven to pick some up now." He peered at the label. "So, what do we do with this? Stick it in the oven?"

**XXXXX**

"This is my baby's first Thanksgiving," the woman snarled.

"So?" Raven spat. "This is Starfire's first Thanksgiving as well."

"You've got to be kidding me. She has to be at least sixteen!"

"Trust me; she thinks that stuffing is the same stuff we use for stuffed animals."

"But Friend Raven, isn't it?"

"I don't care about your alien friend," the woman barked. "I saw that turkey first, and it's mine!" She took off with her shopping cart.

To Starfire's surprise, Raven jumped into their shopping cart. "Run, Starfire!" the telepath ordered. "I didn't just get sent on a shopping errand for nothing!"

Starfire put the pedal to the metal.

**XXXXX**

"I think you were supposed to peel the potatoes," Beast Boy whispered over Cyborg's shoulder. Cyborg glared down at the potatoes he had already started mashing; the mixture was flecked with bits of brown potato skins.

"Just get me some milk and cream for this stuff," Cyborg growled.

Meanwhile, Robin was staring at the cranberry sauce thus far. All he'd done was open the can and pour its contents onto a plate. He was currently gazing down at a cylindrical blob of blood red jelly. "This is cranberry sauce?"

"Well, _yeah._" Beast Boy appeared at his side. "You're supposed to cook it or something. Here…" He took the plate, opened the microwave, and stuck the plate inside. He closed the door and set it for fifteen minutes. "Honestly, Robin, don't you ever cook?"

"Not often," Robin admitted. "But this is pretty cool. You've obviously done this before."

"You think so?"

"Well, yeah."

"Really? 'Cause I haven't."

"………..Beast Boy, get the cranberry sauce out of the microwave."

"What? Don't you trust me?"

**XXXXX**

The two shopping parties barreled down the aisle. People leaped out of the way to avoid being run over. Raven used her powers to her advantage and flung cans and boxes off the shelves and at her shopping opponent, but the woman was quite agile for her age. Both teams screamed their battle cries trying to intimidate each other into submission.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUH!" screamed Raven and Starfire.

"AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed the woman and her baby.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUH!"

"ARRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!"

The dog ran out of the way of the racing shopping carts, tail tucked.

"Give up already!" Raven shouted.

"Never!" came her reply.

"You have done the asking for it!" Starfire declared, and promptly lifted her feet off the floor and flew, whizzing straight past the woman.

"No-o-o-o-o-o-o!"

They were closer to the podium than ever. Forgetting all about powers, Raven leapt out of the shopping cart and dive-bombed the podium, taking the turkey with her. Before she hit the ground she flew up gracefully, cloak swishing around her as she held the turkey protectively to her chest. "Sorry," she apologized to the woman as she hovered, and she and Starfire made their escape.

The woman bawled.

**XXXXX**

"…….I can't believe it."

Cyborg stared in awe at the cranberry sauce in the microwave. Thanks to fifteen minutes of cooking at full power, they had what looked more like cranberry juice with a few berries floating in it. "Whose brilliant idea was it to melt dinner?"

Robin jabbed a thumb at Beast Boy, who blushed and looked down at his shoes. "Hehehehehe…I've never made cranberry sauce before," the changeling admitted meekly.

"I can see that!" Cyborg cried, grabbing a bowl and trying to pour all of the plate's contents into it without spilling. "Dude, I thought you could cook!"

"I can cook tofu!"

"Well then, I've obviously been proven wrong!"

"Guys, SHUT UP!"

The two bickering teammates looked at Robin.

"We won't get anywhere if we don't work together," the Boy Wonder snapped. He took the bowl of red swill from Cyborg's hands. "I'm sure this will make a…a _fine _side dish."

"Or drink," Cyborg snorted, earning himself a Look.

Just then the elevator doors swung open and in walked Raven and Starfire, hair mussed but looking altogether triumphant. "We have the turkey," Raven announced, setting the bird on the table.

"What have the three of you accomplished, friends?" Starfire inquired excitedly.

"We've got mashed potatoes and cranberry juice," Cyborg answered.

"You mean cranberry _sauce,_" Raven corrected.

"No," Robin mumbled dejectedly, holding out the bowl. "Cranberry _juice._"

**XXXXX**

Several hours passed. It was nearly several hours before the turkey was cooked, and during the process the Titans had managed to burn it to the flesh. At the dinner table Starfire proudly carved it with her alien strength, discarding the burnt-beyond-compare pieces of skin onto her own plate. As the four meat-eaters in the team sifted through the remains of the turkey to find the least burned bits, Beast Boy himself unwrapped the cube of tofu he had gotten out that morning and put it on his own plate.

Raven took a sip of the "cranberry juice." "This tastes a bit…old."

Beast Boy flushed. "Oh, heh, that's probably just what cooking does to it. Sorry."

"Well, guys," Robin began, "I guess it's time for that part where we say what we're thankful for."

"You know what I'm thankful for?" Cyborg queried, grinning. "That we got through all of this."

"Me too," Beast Boy laughed.

"The feeling's mutual," Raven agreed, smiling ever-so-slightly.

"Same here," Robin admitted.

"I for one enjoyed this giving-of-thanks," Starfire protested. "I cannot wait until next year."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Raven replied.

And so it was at the Titans Tower on Thanksgiving Day.

**XXXXX**


End file.
